My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
