you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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