I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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