She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
