have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
