What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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