I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
