Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
