i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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