"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize