party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
