The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
