i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
