i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
