is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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