Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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