I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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