I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
