I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
