Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
