ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
