Having a random hookup so left but love u
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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