That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have aggressive nipples.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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