I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize