I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize