May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
