Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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