be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
