ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
