just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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