For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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