He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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