oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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