i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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