Where is the hickey?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
