i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He shit in the fireplace
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
