I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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