Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
