I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
