I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
