she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize