I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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