I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
