btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize