I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
