so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
