When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
