Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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