escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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