you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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