conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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