I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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