Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
