Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
