It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
