We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I understand Curling. That high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize