She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i believe in u and ur pee
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
