If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
