i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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