i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
