Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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