put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
