Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
