why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
