Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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