It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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