so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
