Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
