I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
