I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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