he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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