i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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