So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
